Cave In The Snow Part II

Cave In The Snow continued ...

Page 78 - The Cave -

Tenzin Palmo stood on the tiny ledge and surveyed the scene. The view was sensational. How could it be otherwise? In front of her, stretching in a 180 degree arc, was a vast range of maountains. She was almost eye to eye with their peaks. Right now, in summer, only their tops were covered in snow but in the long eight-month winter they would constitute a massive wall of whiteness soaring into the pristine, pollution-free, azure-blue sky above. The light was crystalline, imbuing everything with a shimmering luminosity, the air sparkling and crisp. The silence was profound. Only the rushing grey-green waters of the Bhaga river below, the whistle of the wind, and the occasional flap of a bird's wing broke the quietness. To her right was a small juniper forest which could provide fuel. To her left, about a quarter of a mile away, was a spring, gurgling out from beneath some rocks, a vital source of fresh, clean water. And behind her was yet more mountain, towering over her like a sentinel. For all the awesome power of her surroundings, and its extreme isolation, the cave and its surroundings felt peaceful and benign, as though the mighty mountains offere security by their sheer size and solidity, though this, of course was an illusion - mountains being as impermanent as everthing else made of 'compounded phenomena'.

She was 13,200 feet above sea level - a dizzying height.

... 'It's too high! Nobody, let alone a woman, can survive at this altitude. You will die.' They all chorused.

'But caves are warmer than houses. they are thermostatically controlled.'

'If I get permission from my guru, Khamtrul Rinpoche, will you agree and help?' she asked. They finally nodded their heads. A letter was duly despatched to Tashi Jong and after asking her several searching questions about the positiona and condition of the cave, Khamtrul Rinpoche gave his permission. The objections were at last quelled.

In that one brief argument, Tenzin Palmo had overturned centuries of tradition which decreed that women were not capable of doing extensive retreats in totally isolated places in order to advance themselves to higher spiritual levels. In doing so, she also became the first Western woman to follow in the footsteps of the Eastern yogis of old and enter a cave in the Himalayan cave to seeek Enlightenment.

Page 85 -

For twelve years this was how it was. There was no variation. No culinary treats like cakes, chocolates, ice creams - the foods most people turn to relieve montony, depression or hard work. She professed she did not mind and as she logically pointed out: "I couldn't pop down to Sainsbury's if I wanted something anyway. Actually, I got so used to eating small quantities that when I left the cave people would laugh seeeing me eat half an apple, half a slice of toast, half a quantity of jam. Anything more seemed so wasteful and extravagant."

... Arguably, the most radical of all her deprivations was the absence of a bed. It was not that the cave was too small, Tenzin Palmo simply did not want one. She intended to follow in the tradition of all serious meditators and train herself to do without sleep. According to the sages, sleep was nothing more than a tragic waste of precious time. If we spemt eight hours of every day asleep, that amounted to a third of our life, which they calculated, if we lived until we were seventy added some twenty-four years of voluntary unconsciousness. Time which could be spent striving fro spiritual betterment in order to help all living beings. Knowing this, the yogis disciplined themselves not to fall asleep but to use the refined levels of consciousness induced by meditation to bring about mental and phsyical refreshment.

Page 97 -

'I was outside my cave, stacking the wood, when I heard this voice inside me saying "Get up and move away." I took no notice. I thought, "I'm busy doing my wood and I'm not interested in what you are saying." So I carried on. Then the voice said in a really imperious tone, "Move immediately!" So I did. About two minutes later there was a huge thud and this big boulder landed just where i had been sitting. If I'd been caught under it or a limb had been crushed I'd have been in a lot of trouble.'

... The memory is indelibly etched on her mind: 'I was plunged into total darkness and cold. I couldn't light my fire because the snow had broken the pipe of my wood stove which jutted out of the cave. So there was no way of keeping warm or cooking. I didn't dare light candles either as I thought they would use up oxygen. It was completely dark.'

As the days wore on with no rescue in sight and no relief in the weather, Tenzin Palmo, entombed in her cold, dark cave faced the very real posibility that she was going to die. With her stove pipe broken, her window and door completely sealed with snow, she was convinced she was going to be asphyxiated.

From the beginning, she had been taught by every good Buddhist to look death squarely in the face. 'Death is definite but the time of death is indefinite', the Buddha had said. With this fundamental but often much ignored truth in mind she meditated over and over on the inescapable fact of her own demise - bringing the reality home by visualising in graphic detail her body decomposing in the earth or melting in the heat of a funeral pyre, her posessions being dispersed and her freinds and loved-ones being left behind. The results were said to be two-fold: to lessen the shock when Death was upon you and to sort out your priorities for whatever time you may have left.

As a tantric practitioner, however, Tenzin Palmo knew she could go even further using the moment of death as her final and greatest meditation. Steering her mind through the various stages of death she could, if she were skilful enough, arrive fully aware at the Blissful Clear Light, the most subtle mind of all, and in that sublime state transform her consciousness into a Buddha. As such, for the yogi death was never to be feared but grabbed as the golden opportunity of a lifetime of endeavour.

That, at least, was the theory. Tenzin Palmo was now faced with the reality.

'I really thought I was going to die. I had a lot of time to think about it. It was interesting. I wasn't worried. I figured, "OK, if I'm going to die, I'm going to die." I was not afraid. I thought it would be fascinating to see what happened. Since a small child I felt the body was really temporary - that we all had so many roles in many different lifetimes. So, on some deep level, I never really identified with it. I got all my little Blessed Pills* ready for if and when it happened. I reviewed my life to try to think of anything wrong that I'd done and what i had done right. i felt I had been so lucky. I had met so many greta lamas and received so many wonderful teachings. There were few regrets. From my heart I prayed to Khamtrul Rinpoche to take care of me in the Bardo and in my future life.'

{*Blessed Pills are specialities of Tibetan medicine. Made from various relics, special ingredients, herbs and ground jewels, they are potentised by months of prayers and mantras being said over them. At death, specific Blessed Pills are believe to facilitate the transfer of consciousness to a higher realm.}

... She pondered on the possibility of going to a Pure Land, the Buddhist heaven although with her belief in rebirth and the Bodhisattva ideal, it had radically different connotations from the Christian abode. 'It's the highest joy apart from Nirvana. But one doesn't cling even to that. High lamas stay there a while and then return here. You see, a Pure Land is not like a holiday camp. It's a pressure cooker which brings on rapid advancement. You evolve very quickly there because there are no obstacles. And that is essential, if you are to come back and live among all the suffering, because it is only when you understand non-duality that you are not overwhelmed by it all and have the genuine ability to help. The Buddhas and Bodhisattvas go everywher to help, even the Hell realms. You can't do that if you are paranoid like all the beings in the hell realms.

Page 103 -

When the time came to say goodbye, Lee turned to her daughter and said: "I feel this is the last time I'm going to see you in this life. I pray that I may be reborn as your mother in future lives so that i can help you continue your spiritual path." It was the greatest act of love and approbation of her daughter she could have made.

... 'During my meditations I would always keep paper nearby so that I could jot down queries as they came up. I'd walk in and Khamtrul Rinpoche would lean back and say, "Okay, where's your list?" And I'd bring out this long list of questions. His answers were absolutely right. He answered from his scholastic experience and from his own experience. "According to the books it says this but from my own experience it is like this" he sued to say. He was always spot on. And I could always discuss things with him. Sometimes I would go to him with an idea of a practice I wanted to do and he would suggest something else that hadn't occured to me. Immediately he said it I knew he was right. That is the beauty of a real guru - he knows your mind and can steer your spiritual progress in the direction that is best for you.'

... Those who were present reported that Khamtrul Rinpoche stayed in tukdam, the 'clear light of death', for some weeks after physiological death had occured - his body not collapsing but remaining youthful-looking and pleasant-smelling. More surprising still, when the time came for his cremation, the mourners noticed that his large and formerly bulky body had mysteriously shrunk to the size of an eight year old child's. The shrrinking of the body in this manner is not unknown among Tibetan high lamas. To those who looked on, it was proof that Khamtrul Rinpoche had indeed reached a high level of spiritual attainment, one only surpassed by the ultimate triumph of achieving the 'rainbow body', whereby at death the body is de-materialised, leaving nothing behind except the nails and hair.

{This description reminds me of an excellent article by Lama Ole Nydhal about the Tibetan teachings on death & rebirth}

Rilbur Rinpoche, a venerable high lama and historian who was imprisoned for many years by the Chinese, tells of several adepts who managed to eject their consciousness at will (the practice of powa) while imprisoned with him. 'I saw many who sat down in the corner of their cell and deliberately passed away to another realm. They weren't ill and there was noting wrong with them. The guards could never believe it!'

{Then there is an extended excerpt from The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche - which I may transcribe later - about more examples of death & the rainbow body & the ancient Tantras of Dzogchen. A slightly different approach to death than us in the West!}

Page 108 -

According to the Bodhisattva rule, masters like Khamtrul Rinpoche are not meant to stay away long. Consequently, immediately after his cremation his disciples began to look for clues as to where his future rebirth might be found. Like trackers following spoor, they examined any sign that the eighth Khamtrul Rinpoche may have left behind indicating in which direction he was planning to make his re-entry into the world. They discovered a poem he had written just before he passed away and, scrutinizing it, realised the names of his future parents were concealed as anagrams at the end of each line. They were now hot on the trail. At the same time, two eminent lamas Dilgo Khentse Rinpoche and the Karmapa who were both extremely close to Khamtrul Rinpoche each had significant dreams.

Dilgo dreamt he was going up a hill when he came across a temple where Khamtrul Rinpoche was teaching. Dilgo went up to him and said, "What are you doing here; you're supposed to be dead?" Khamtrul replied "I am beyond birth and death". Dilgo then asked "Out of compassion for all beings, where have you chosen to be reborn?" Khamtrl gave him the names of his parents. They also discovered that the birth had taken place in the 'cradle of Buddhism' which meant India.

India, however, is a vast country. More specific clues were neeeded. Finally, the Karmapa, on his death bed in Chicago, gave the vital missing piece of the jigsaw - the name of the place where Khamtrul Rinpoche had been reborn - Bomdila, in Arunachal Pradesh, a Himalayan town close to Bhutan. The discovery of the ninth Khamtrul Rinpoche was in the bag. The child was found, recognised and reinstated at Tashi Jong to take up his spiritual duties where his predecessor (himself) left off.

Page 111 -

The scenery outside her cave may have been awesome but what of Tenzin Palmo's inner world? This, after all, was what she had gone to the cave to discover. What was she seeing on that long journey inwards? Was she sitting there having visions, like watching TV? Was she bing bathed in golden light? Hearing celestial voices? Experiencing waves of transcendent bliss? Or was she perhaps tormented by the devils of her psyche disturbed from the depths of her subconscious by those penetrating tools of meditation designed to dig deep beneath the surface?

According to the legends of solitary meditators, this was what cave-dwelling was really all about. Up in his icy, barren cave the great yogi Milarepa, who had founded Tenzin Palmo's own lineage, after years of terrible deprivation and unwavering endeavour found himself in a realm of surreal splendour. The walls and floor of his cave melted with the imprint of his hands, feet, buttocks where he pressed them into the rock. Goddesses appeared bringing him delicious morsels to stave off his hunger. His emaciated body, turned green from eating only nettle soup, was filled with intense ecstasy. In his dreams, he could turn his body into any shape he wished, traversing the universe in any direction unimpeded. In his waking state, he learned to fly, crossing the valleys of his homeland at great speed, much to the consternation of the farmers ploughing the fields in the valley below.

Was the fishmonger's daughter from Bethnal Green experiencing any of this?

No one will ever know exactly what Tenzin Palmo went through in all those years of solitary retreat, the moments of dazzling insight she might have had, the times of darkness she may have endured. She had learned well from the Togdens, those humble yogis whose qualities had touched her so deeeply that one never reveals, let alone boasts of one's spiritual prowess. Getting rid of the ego, not enhancing it, was the name of the game. Besides, her tantric vows forbade her to reveal any progress she may have made. It was a long-held tradition, ever since the Buddha himself had defrocked a monk for performing a miracle in public, declaring the transformation of the human heart was the only miracle that really counted.

Page 113

'The only problem wih bliss is that because it arouses such enormous pleasure, beyond anything on a worldly level, including sexual bliss, people cling to it and really want it and then it becomes another obstacle. Once when I was with the Togdens in Dalhousie, there were two monks who were training to be yogis. One day they were standing outside shaking a blanket and they were so blissed out they could hardly stand up. You could actually feel these waves of bliss hitting you. The Togdens turned to me and said, "You know, when you first start out this is waht happens. You get completely overwhelmed by bliss and you don't know what to do. After a while you learn to control it and bring it down to more manageable levels."

You go through bliss. It marks just another stage on the journey. The ultimate goal is to realise the nature of the mind. The nature of the mind is unconditioned, non-dual consciousness. It is Emptiness and bliss. It is the state of Knowing without the Knower. Our normal way of being is muffled - it's not vivid.

Page 118 -

When she was not doing her preliminary practices, she worked on her Single Pointed Concentration - the meditative discipline which trains the mind to focus single-pointedly on one subject without interruption. Yogis were said to be able to stay in this state for days, weeks, monthseven, their mind totally absorbed on the wonders of the inner reality. Single Pointed Concentration, or Samadhi, was essential for penetrating the nature of reality and discovering absolute truth. it was also exceedingly difficult, the mind habitually wanting to dance all over the place, flitting from one random thought to another, from fantasy to fantasy, perpetually chattering away to itself, expending vast quantitiies of energy in an endless stream of trivia. The mind was likie a wild horse that needed to be reined in and trained. When the mind's power was harnessed and channeled like a laser beam, its power was said to be tremendous. Ultimately this was the high-voltage power-tool needed to dig down into the farthest reaches of the mind, unlocking the greatest treasures buried there.

When she had finished all her preparations she got down to the core of her practice, tantra - the alchemical process which promised the transformation to full-awakening. If the end result was magical, the method of getting there was infinitely prosaic and, some would say, horibly tedious. Every day for the months and years she was in formal retreat inside her cave she got into her meditation box and followed the same gruelling routine ... All in all, that amounted to twelve hours of meditation a day - day in, day out for weeks, months and years on end. For all the mind-numbing monotony she was never bored.

Page 123 -

Her friends, family and the multitude of sentient beings she did not know were included in her prayers and meditations. 'You automatically visualise all beings around you. That way they can share in wahtever benefits may occur.' It was part of her Bodhisattva Vow, for true Enlightenment could not be reached without bringing all living beings to that state. How could one be sincerely happy anyway knowing countless others were enduring untold miseries throughout every realm of existence.

... Tenzin Palmo was a firm believer in the efficacy of prayer. 'Actually, one doesn't have to be a great yogi to help others - the practices in themselves have great power and blessing. I believe there are infinite beings embodying intelligence and love, always beaming in, always trying to help. We just have to open up. ... Rather pary for spiritual growth that can flower in the mind.

Page 127 -

Has the story of Yeshe Tsogyel, from the eighth century. Tenzin wondered how 'embellished' her story was and thus how believable and relevant to her own quest ... may transcribe it later ... especially her description of her 'union' with her guru - quite poetic and powerful ... :) Apparently she could raise the dead, ride on sunbeams, walk thru walls etc etc ... & was responsible for recording much of Padma Sambhava's teachings for posterity ...

Page 130 -

The story of anothe Tibetan legend, Marchig Lapdron, form the 11th century ... and the practice of Chod which involves being in a cemetery at night and visualising in gory detail your own demise and decay ... {sound like a fun night out :) } ... plus the tradition of public spiritual debates and Marchig made 'mincemeat' of her male opponents ... Yet she combined all this with marriage and children, happily wandering off to meditate incaves whenever she felt the need for spiritual advancement ...

... Then the story of Jomo Menmo, who suddenly acquired great wisdom from Yeshe Tsogyel in a dream but was branded as insane by powerful lamas. Devastated, Jomo wandered the country, refusing to speak, but benefiting countless people in the 'secret way' by the sheer force of her physical presence.

Then the story of A-Yu Khadro, of more recent times, told in Women of Wisdom who meditated for seven years in total darkness. This is thought essential for attaining the 'body of light'. She died in 1954 aged 115, without any signs of illness and reportedly stayed in the meditative posture for two weeks after her external breath had stopped. her body had not decayed - it had just become very tiny.

Page 133 -

Over the years, meditating in her cave, tenzin Palmo came to a few conclusions about women's strengths and weaknesses. Women have a nurturing, a softness, a gentleness. Women tend to be more into feeling than men, which makes it easier to develop Bodhicitta. Loving kindness is innate in women. A mother is prepared to die for her child. That impulse can be developed towards all beings.

... Irina Tweedie, the great Sufi teacher and author of Chasm of Fire( a diary of her own spiritual path ) says, 'We women need comfort, we need security, we need love, we need this and that. We women need, need, need. In Western society, for a man to give up everything is much easier than for a woman. You see the training for a woman is different. The man has to learn to control his sexuality. The woman has to overcome attachment to worldly objects. Ours is the way of detachment. One of the reasons we are so attached is that our bodies are made to have children and for that you need comfrot, security and love. It is a great thing to have children but if you reach the stage where you love the whole world exactly like your children, that's something. You don't love your children any less, you love the whole world more.'

Page 138 -

... an old lama named Kangyur. When asked if a woman could achieve Enlightenment, he was adamant: 'On the outside there is difference but the heart is the same,' he said, patting the point mid-way between his breasts. 'What is Enlightenment but the heart knowing itself? This is very hard. Just as the eye can see the whole world but cannot see itself, so the heart can know everything but has great difficulty in understanding itself.'

Page 140 -

Word soon got out that tenzin Palmo's retreat had ended and friends now sought her out, eager to see for themselves the resluts of that long period of meditation and solitude. Was she still alright? Had that prolonged period of introspection and isolation sent her mad, or slightly deranged? Maybe she had been transfigured into a glorious being of light, surrounded by rainbows, as the fabulous stories of yore told? If the people who came had expected to see a major metamorphosis, however, they were to be disappointed.

'As she walked us back down the path, I asked her what results she had got from retreat. I didn't like to ask her outright if she'd got Enlightened but I was waiting for her to tell me of some transcendent experience she'd had. It was certainly what I would have expected. Instead she looked at me and replied: "One thing I can tell you - I was never bored." That was it. I was waiting for more, but nothing else was said. It has always puzzled me that that was the only statement she made.'

Page 143 -

Now, thrust back into the mainstream of the world once more, Tenzin Palmo could see for herself if she had changed. Had there been a transformation? That, ultimately, was the only valid test of her spiritual practices, for no amount of retreat could be said to have worked unless there was a fundamental shift, a turning around of your old, habitual ways of seeing and being. Up there on her mountian, in splendid isolation, she may have been thoroughly absorbed in the eternal verities but could that experience stand up to the challenge of everyday life.

Page 144 -

While being like an "empty house" may seem desirable to a meditator, to the average person, brought up on the notion that passion and emotional involvement is what gives life its colour and verve, such a state could seem vapid and remote. Was being an "empty house" the same as being a "shell" of a person - cold and unfeeling? And what is the difference between detachment and being cut off from your emotions anyway?

Tenzin Palmo, as might be expected, refuted all such insinuations. 'It's not a cold emptiness,' she stated emphatically, 'it's a warm spaciousness. It means that one is no longer involved in one's ephemeral emotions. One sees how people cause so much of their own suffering just by thinking that without having these strong emotions they're not real people.

'Why does one go into retreat,' she went on hotly. 'One goes into a retreat to understand who one really is and what the situation truly is. When one begins to understand oneself then one can truly understand others because we are all interelated. It is very difficult to understand others while one is still caught up in the turmoil of one's emotional involvement - because we're always interpreting others from the standpoint of our own needs. That's why, when you meet hermits who have really done a lot of retreat, say twenty-five years, they are not cold and distant. On the contrary. They are absolutely lovely people. You know that their love for you is totally without judgement because it doesn't rely on who you are or what you are doing, or how you treat them. It's totally impartial. It's just love. Whatever you did they'd still love you because they understand your predicament and in that understanding naturally arises love and compassion. It's not based on sentiment. It's not based on emotion. Sentimental love is very unstable, because it's based on feed-back and how good it makes you feel. That is not real love at all.'

Page 145 -

Having no idea of where she wanted to go, Tenzin Palmo did what she always did in such situations - she remained still and waited for the 'voice' to speak to her. In the meantime, her many friends, scattered all around the world, began to write inviting her to their countries. She contemplated America, Australia, England - but none seemed right. Then an American friend wrote saying he had found the perfect place - Assisi. Why didn't she join him and his wife there? She had never been to Assisi, but once she read the name the voice spoke out loud and clear.

'That's it', she said, clicking her fingers.

... She had come full circle. She arrived at the small medieval town of Assisi, built on the flanks of Mount Sabasio, in Umbria, in the dead of night she knew instantly that she'd made the right choice. It could have been the small clusters of picturesque houses perched on mountain-tops so reminiscent of Lahoul, or the aura of sanctity left by St Francis which still hung in the air, or even the fact that there were several Indian ashrams in the area, but the moment Tenzin Palmo arrived she felt at home.

'I felt a very strong connection with Assisi. To this day it's the only place I miss, including my cave. There's a special ineffable quality about it which is palpable inspite of the millions of tourists who flock there each year. It's not an ordinary place. It's the centre for world peace and holds a lot of inter-faith conferences. And many people have reported having spiritual experiences there, strong, tranformative experiences.'

... She also plunged into the writings and biographies of the Christian saints and philosophers: St Teresa of Avila, St John of the Cross, Thomas Aquinas, the Desert Fathers, Thomas Merton, the Philokalia, the scriptures from the Orthodox Church and much, much more. As she read, her appreciation for the religion she had once dismissed grew and with it came a new understanding and pride in her Western identity.

'The Tibetans generally regard us as barbarians. They think we're very good at inventing the motor car, but have nothing much inside. ... Interestingly, when Buddhism first went to Tibet, the Indians thought the Tibetans were 'babrabrians' too. They didn't want to hand over the precious Buddha dharma to them because they thought they would mess it up!'

... 'They were only interested inlearning about Buddhism. They'd been studying it, had met the Dalai Lama and were keen to know more. I wanted to encourage Christian meditation but they weren't having any of it. They told me that there were so few masters of the inner life in Catholicism which was why the young people were falling away. They said the young were asking for ways of obtaining inner peace and a spiritual path to put meaning back into their lives. The nuns and monks felt that if they could get themselves together they could become guides to bring the young people what they needed.

They wanted methods because they had lost their own. They wanted directions; what to do what not to do, descriptions of the problems that can arise in meditation and how to deal with them. Tibetan methods are excellent because they don't require any particular faith structure. Anyone can make use of them - including psychologists.

If you've read this far why not buy the book ... :) ... I may transcribe excerpts from the remaining 60 pages or so as Tenzin describes how she unexpectedly finds herself in the role of teacher and how despite her initial reluctance she turned out to be inspired and her audiences lapped it all up ... a process which continues as i discovered for myself a few weeks ago ...

Mount Kailash - Lama Govinda The Way of the White Clouds - Dalai Lama - how to present Buddhism to Westerners - most Lamas are accustomed to addressing specialised congregations of monks - Tenzin's style of speaking to large audiences straight from the heart, without notes, without preparation, and the words tumbled out crystal clear - speaking to people of all faiths - and secular - adapting the wisdom effortlessly - THAT is when you know you have 'made it' - 'Our minds are like junk yards!' {Page 165} - and I still have 40 pages or so to read myself ... go out and buy it ... I promise you won't regret it ...

I briefly looked at Page 194 - did mention a 'great little practice called the half-smile ... and the benefits of frequent BRIEF practice several times a day ... and I can vouch for this myself ... the trick is to do it regularly enough to notice the effect ... Tenzin suggests to do it during any time of waiting - on the phone or wherever ... there ... now you'll have to go out and buy the book to get the details ... sounds a lot like the Inner Smile Meditation at the Interlude website ...